Why her success is not your failure...
Something that I want to talk about today is a topic that consistently occurs in our day to day lives, and something that we (especially as women), probably don't even realise we do. Competition with each other. Comparing each other. Undermining and undercutting each other. You get my vibe.
I find it so sad to think that when one woman congratulates another on a success, or notices that that they are talented, hardworking individuals - it is actually considered out of the ordinary. In fact, when females do choose to encourage and recognise how amazing each other are, they are automatically praised for being ‘empowered feminists’, or seen as completely confident in themselves.
But lets get real for a second.
When we choose to let self comparrison and our own insecurities turn into jealousy of other women, we put people down and will ultimately be left feeling even more shit about ourselves than before. To be happy for another female is not your weakness. Her success does not mean you have handed in the towel and given up!
I ask you to think for a second, about the last time you had amazing or exciting news, and who you shared it with. When was the last time you felt that one of your female counterparts was genuinely happy for you? Like real happy, none of that fake ass smile and undercut you later bullshit.
Or comparably, when was the last time you heard amazing news of someone close to you, and felt worthless and jealous of their successes? Probably not so long ago right?
Well…let me tell you right now that jealousy will never get you anywhere. Think about it like this. You are jealous of someone else and you sit there all day stewing over it, hating them and their success, and end up feeling even worse about yourself than when you started your day.
What are they doing in that moment? NOTHING. Jealousy of someone else only hinders your progress forward, and only results in you feeling more shit about yourself.
Now look. I’m not preaching this as if I have never been jealous of others, because I totally have. Comparison is something that I struggle with all the time, and at times it does leave you feeling really down and quite frankly, pretty shit. But we are all human, and while jealousy is a totally normal process that has probably become ingrained in your everyday life, it does need to be an active change of mindset in order to get away from those negative thought patterns.
I like to approach it like this. Being positive and having a smile on your face, is a LOT easier than being a negative nancy. And while your sister or best mate may have just landed an amazing job opportunity at work, or achieved amazing grades at uni… you are much better off being happy for them, than sitting their ridden with anxiety and negative thoughts about yourself. Additionally, the more positivity that you are able to manifest towards others, the more positive people and reactions you will get in return.
At my age, jealousy of other girls tends to be about the same things. And I will be the first to say that I have totally felt this way about others before. But hey… I’m human and I’ve made aspects of change.
You might be annoyed at your friend for being in a relationship. So… Instead of talking smack about them and how they have become a horrible person, stop focusing on the bad and realise how happy they are. Accept the fact that your time will come, and that if its not happening right now, if its what you want, it soon will.
You might be frustrated at your colleagues or friends at university who are achieving better grades than you. Instead of focusing on how hard you worked and how ‘shit’ you are, focus on making small goals towards your changes and working hard for YOU, not them. When you strive to do better for yourself, you will always end up in a more positive mindset than thriving off the failures of others.
In terms of instagram, I do understand it can be really hard to see people your age ‘doing amazing things’, while you are sitting at home on the couch. Nothing wrong with the couch, don’t get me wrong. But in all honestly… I am consistently reminding myself that life is so different for every single person in this world, and comparing yourself to someone’s online personality and images is like comparing yourself to their highlight reel. Trust me, there is often more to the story than what it seems.
If I were to frequently let myself get caught up in all the amazing women and role models that I follow on social media, I would be such a negative person that I would never be able to focus on my own goals and growth. I have so many varying aspects and amazing traits that others don’t have, and comparrison of others only thieves me of these things, the moment I let it in. For me, learning to focus on the good aspects of my life has been huge, and while a lot of people frequently preach about practicing gratitude, there is a lot that can be said for loving what you got.
I don’t have this perfected. I am not some amazing individual who never gets jealous and thinks I am awesome. However, what I am doing… is learning to love and appreciate who I am and what I have.
There will always be someone ‘better’ than you. The fastest way to kill something special that you love, is to compare it with something else. Every single minute that you spend wishing you had someone else’s life, is a minute of your life that you have wasted.
Without sounding preachy, you cannot compare your life journey with someone else. I spent far too many years of my teenage life comparing myself to others, and constantly wanting to be someone else. But we are on seperate pathways in life, and that should never be a competition with those around you.
Do you. And be the best you that you can be.
And remember that… Someone else success is not your failure, so don’t be afraid to congratulate or be happy for your fellow female ladies out there doing well at life!